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Reflections on Adoption and Permanency

A Story by Karen Elaine McNabb

Adoption is often described as a new beginning. But for a child, it can also mean another major change in a life already marked by many. My experience taught me early on that adoption is not simple, and it’s not always easy.

Losing Childhood Too Soon

I was once told I’d be “easy” to take care of because I was like a little adult. That label may have seemed like a compliment to the adults around me, but to me, it meant something entirely different. It meant my childhood was taken from me before I ever truly got the chance to live it.

When Praise Doesn’t Feel Like Support

One thing I’ve noticed is that adoptive parents are often praised or placed on a pedestal for adopting. But as a child, that kind of celebration never felt good. I didn’t want to be the reason someone was admired. I didn’t want to feel like an achievement or proof of someone’s kindness.

I wanted to be understood. Supported. Treated like any other child.

Adoption Is a Relationship—Not a Rescue

If you’re hoping to adopt, I encourage you to focus less on rescue and more on relationship. Adoption isn’t about creating perfection. It’s about creating safety—emotional, mental, and physical. Children need caregivers who are willing to learn, listen, and show up with empathy. Love is powerful, but it’s not the only thing a child needs in order to heal.

What Permanency Really Means

Permanency isn’t just about staying in one home. It’s about consistency. It’s about parents who can sit with hard truths and still stay present. It’s about being fully seen and heard, not only in the moments that feel good, but also in the moments that are uncomfortable or painful.

The Greatest Gift You Can Give an Adoptee

The best gift you can offer an adoptee is the freedom to be honest about their story—all of it. Even the parts that are hard to hear. And the reassurance that when they share those truths, you will still be there.

— Karen Elaine McNabb